An open letter to people who hate synthetic music an prefer instruments:
STOP READING THIS YOU FUCKING LUDITE. If you hate something as sweet and life giving as a synthesizer and drum machines how can you justify the internet. I don't care if you went to some shitty music college that your parents paid for so you could learn some weird scale on your twelve string acoustic guitar I want my music and I want it processed more than the US government processes immigrant's id's.
You can say that you hate 'fake' music but I'll bet when you hear analog moog noises you almost piss all over your own face because it reminds you of the time you were seven and you played Nintendo at your cousin's house for the first time and spent the next week straight making damn sure that your parents no longer kept you in the dark ages that not having a video game system obviously is.
I usually allow people to have their opinion and let them speak their mind but why are you all so pompous. You hear something like Daft Punk on the radio and you say something obviously ridiculous like "oh this isn't music this is that keyboard contraption the kids are playing with nowadays" well a keyboard is a piano are you going to tell fucking Bach that he is not playing real music or what about Wendy Carlos she plays music on an organ that is fake isn't it or is it just music from the last 20 years that you deem fake. Another favorite of mine is when people say "yeah this is a drum machine this song would be better if the exact same beat was physically played" So you are telling me it isn't the music you hate but the way it is delivered. Does that mean you hate modern literature because the author uses a word processor instead of long hand.
Do me a favor take you acoustic instrument--oh and your not allowed to mike it because technically that is making it an electronic signal which is bad right--then go play by yourself outside in the dark you caveman. I on the other hand will be dancing my mother fucking face off to some Atari teenage riot.

Weekly music this week is ARCHITECTURE IN HELSINKI

I owe one of the other interns at boompa for this one. I walked in a couple of weeks ago and this band was playing. "What are we listening to?" I asked in a not really caring just more curiosity manner.
"architecture in Helsinki" was her reply in the demeanor that leaves no expression creases on her face.
At first I kinda passed them off as another art fag band and wasn't really paying attention past the two seconds it took to greet everyone in the office. After about half a song I realized that I was kind of grooving to the music.
"who is this again?"
"architecture in Helsinki"
"neat I kinda like it" They were growing on me even though at first I scoffed at the simple piano riff that seemed to be the repetitive theme of the album I was growing to appreciate how the simplistic beauty tied the album together.
"who is this again?"
"uhhhh architecture in Helsinki"
"they are fucking good" It was ten minutes since the last time I asked who they were and by this time I was in love with the band. Every second that I paid more attention to the album and cover art and just the band in general the harder I fell.
They made me feel like a kid again. Not the shitty childhood memories like getting booted in the ass for annoying your grandpa too much but the good ones like puddle jumping or kicking dandelions and dancing in the floating seeds. This music is so good that you bob your head on the skytrain just begging for someone to call you on you behavior just so you can make them listen to this marvelous ageless music.
There is a type of music that you kind of like and you want to show other people just so they think you are intelligent for listening to said music. I usually show this music to girls in a half assed attempt to bed them. Architecture in Helsinki is not this type of music. Architecture in Helsinki is the type of music you listen to because you have to it makes you feel whole again.

An angry letter from spakle motion

The immediacy of communication that is allowed by myspace sometimes has negative effects. Today a reader was so displeased with my blog post he sent me an angry coment and an angry letter so in turn i replied here are the comment and two letters

-his comment

Dude if I ever see you I will kick the living shit outta of you...NO fuckin Joke- Come to Kelowna I invite you too go to Island Snow skate shop ask for me please I will be around my name is Greg......P.S. nice necklace hahah

-his letter

Did I scare you buddy ? I fuckin hope so I meant every fuckin word i said on there you stupid smuck! Comment me back dude...and make sure to come and see me In kelowna I will be there just ask around for me people know me and then I could show you what fuckin RESPECT MEans! whatever i am not going to waste my time wriitting you just know if i ever see your fuckin face i am going to knock it off!.... sincerly Greg!

-And my response

Dear Greg,
Although i am always incredibly pleased to meet my readers i will have to decline your invitation to fisticuffs. You see i do not believe in violence when it is over something so trivial as my opinion.
I am curious as to what made you so angry was it my post on the annoyance of parents or something else. If it is about the post them i am sorry you find my reflections on annoying parents so infuriating.
I don't think you could teach me what respect means because i feel that you do not know what it means. Although you use this as a pretty effective war cry respect to my understanding would include the allowance to voice an opinion without turning into a fucktard and threatening to kick someones ass. If you want to go all high school jock about this matter you can come to vancouver and punch me in the face a couple of times but i wont respect you i will still think you are a fucking asshole who is inflated on self importance for working in a skate shop or whatever the fuck you do that allows you to be so obviously repugnant and still have people "know" you.

-dale

ps. living in anger will swallow you.

A week has passed and now I will share the band that has gathered my interest for this little while.

the hotsnakes.
My interest was first piqued by this band when I read somewhere that they sound like Death From Above 1979. It was on All Music or some program of the like in the if you like this try this column. Lying fuckers they sound nothing like DFA1979. After my initial feeling of betrayal I decided to give the band a chance and now I am writing about them cause they are pretty good.
Besides having a wicked name that is probably the best innuendo for penis I have ever heard they have some really good tunes. I put some tracks on a CD with accompanied by bloc party and now I constantly embarrass myself by dancing in public while listening to my walkman.
I asked David what his opinion of the band was and he replied "they are a great rock and roll band. When I think of dirty rock and roll I think of hot snakes first." Aptly put David although I have no idea what the fuck dirty rock and roll is. Kinda reminds me of the time I was watching an interview with motley crue and that guy with the blonde perm was talking about how he got kicked out of a hotel for giving a girl an enema in the bath tub.
The shittiest thing about getting into Indy rock is all the fucking genres. My CD's are split techno on the left rock on the right and that as far as I am willing to categorize music. I am not going to even pretend I know what section of the record store the hotsnakes belong in.
If the pixies met bloc party in a secluded bar and they got kicked out for fighting and they fell on the sidewalk and their blood intermingled and then a mid teen boy who wasn't too angry came and slipped in the blood adding his blood and a scientist came and made a band from the mixed DNA then you might have the hotsnakes. I hope that makes it a little clearer of what they sound like.
if you are going to check em out try "I hate the kids" or "paid in cigarettes".

an open letter to new parents: Fuck you i don't care about what your child does. Yeah it is cute, it's a baby, that's the point. It seems that once someone has a baby everyone around them is supposed to give a shit about everysecond of that child's life. So he makes a face when he shits his pants that is amazing i probably would too but you don't see me busting up good coversations and telling everyone how cute it was this one time that you could tell i was pushing.
When i am having a shitty day i do want to hear all about how funny it is that your child cannot say words properly. Nothing cheers me up more than thinking about your kid. It entirely makes me forget all my problems. What I can't pay rent why don't you tell me about how hard it is to raise a child cause it screams at night. One of the reasons i don't care could be because i am selfish and that your child does not directly involve me. I should make it my priority to care more about your baby, why don't I just take the time and give a shit about each and everyone one of the half a billion babies on this earth.

Now that I have internet music is filling the gap left by the void of women again as it should be. Why compete with the possibility of halitosis when you can just listen to bloc party. There could also be the inert subconscious pleasure of seeing pain on your face by mild physical abuse. I would rather just listen to Death From Above then deal with that.

I have decided that since i really do nothing but sit in my house and listen to music and hope that hot girls will message me i might as well make it constructive--The music that is. Since I have a new favorite band about twice a week i have decided to write about what ever music it is that is on my mind at the time.

Lou Barlow - emoh
You know how girls listen to Dave Mathews and you are always cursing yourself. "If only I liked this shitty music I would probably get to make out way more often. Damn you Dave Mathews why can't you just fucking rock so hard I cry like all the girls do?" Emoh is so good you might just cry like all the girls do the answer to all you prayers.
My friend Matt McLaren phoned me from Calgary with this to say about Lou's work. "I'm just calling you to tell you that the new Lou Barlow cd kicks ass. You know the guy from sebadoh, yeah well that is the dude and it kicks ass. Fucking buy it, just fucking buy it man."
With a title like Emoh you might think that Lou Barlow has jumped on this whiny-broken-hearted-chucks-and-eye-liner-wearing-band wagon. No this album is not about that shit it is still good ol' Lou and his guitar and his home recording lo-fi sound that many of you have already become addicted to via his past efforts. If you have never heard this man and his minstral sensations before well there is no more excuses you cannot be ignorant any longer.
That song that had the video on much music about summer that sucked is not on this album so don't let that deter you.
If your interested i would suggest downloading either Caterpillar Girl or Home. Both the aforementioned tracks are astounding and will leave you longing for happiness but content with your current state.

I can't believe I forgot the most important reason why movies are better than books. You can't lure someone into your house by telling them you can read a book together and than fuck like donkeys.

Since my last entry got rave reviews (my roommate laughed), I have compiled a list of all new open letters. I am sure you will adorn me with praise through my comments section just like the last time… fuckers.

Dear Star Wars Fans: The new ones are better than the old ones so shut the fuck up already. I mean I can see how you would like the old ones better what with the menacing bad guys effects and overall plot being far superior than the ones that modern day technology could ever offer. How do you sleep at night? Darth Vader is a pud. But your right he is pretty intimidating with that respirator effect and broken vacuum cleaner on his chest he totally beats a ninja sith with a double light sword who can do aerobatics. Even Boba Fet could kick the shit out of Darth Vader.
As far as bad guys go the desert anus or sarlack pit-as it is known to most of you-is totally better than a gigantic undersea snake-eel-shark-whale-fish-thingy. "Remember that time in the old ones when they landed on that asteroid and it turned out to be that space snakes mouth, man that was scary" Yes that was very scary indeed and the peril must have been immense. The millennium falcon (the-fastest-ship-in-the-galaxy-when-it-is'nt-breaking-down-like-a-piece-of-shit) barely got Han and our heroes out of there. That is a great deal amount more heinous then when Anakin and Queen Amadala were tied up in that ring to those posts and they were to be fed to those two alien monsters, the ones that had all those teeth and the claws and actually looked scary.
Jar Jar Binks is an asshole and I hated his Stephanie-from-full-house-catch-phrases as much as the next person but if you had seen that goddamn golden robot for the first time when you were older than ten you would hate the shit out of him too.
Overall plot between the two trilogies I cannot really comment upon because they are both written by George Lucas.
In closing I would just like to say all your opinions are valid just shut the fuck up.

Dear Book Nerd who was at the movie theatre when I watched Hitchhikers Guide to the Galaxy: “The book was better than the movie.” Well no fucking shit dickhead. Of course you think the book was better because you probably read it when you were 15 and your face was covered in zits.
“The reality in a book is better because I get to imagine and make everything the color I want it to be. Of course I am getting smarter by reading because you know reading is smart.” Well it takes me a fucking month to read a book and two hours to watch a movie. Yes I am slow reader. I never read in junior high I was too busy listening to angry music and getting my hate on for the world.
Movies are more intelligent than books. If you don’t think this is true stop watching shitty movies. Movies are all art forms combined into one and compressed into two hours so we can sit through them and have our asses barely fall asleep. You are going to garbage this whole process because they chose an actor who wasn’t the hero you envisioned in your mind world. Yes they left stuff out remember the titanic that boring piece of shit is a sliver of what a movie would be like if they had everything included. I am sorry they don’t have a gazillion dollars to make a lord of the rings movie that would take a year to watch.
You are probably the same people who read the lyrics on your album and are all like “hey he doesn’t sing that or she wrote down different lyrics” in that self defeating my life is so boring I read the lyrics while I listen to music tone. Yes I have done this too but I don’t go to a fucking movie theatre and tell everyone like a jackass and think that it will make me better because I actually put in the effort to read.
I don’t read books they ruin the movies.