Just a question: Is it bad to jerk off to the bible... you know the naughty bits...like the parts about whores?

Open letter to BC:
Super sweet of Gordon Cambell to sell terasen to the yanks. I would just like to thank my province for re-electing him. Thanks guys why don't we just say fuck it and throw the bullets in the fire see who falls down... then fuck them with sticks.

I was at the nerve today and brad wanted to send me a file this is the conversation:

brad-dale what is your email address
dale-applebookepiphanyrevolver...
brad-your email is seriously this fucking long
dale-no i'm giving it to you in code so you know the letters and it isn't confusing
brad-so what the fuck is this
dale-you know that code with the letters making words *looks at screen* hahahaha you serisously wrote "applebook" as my email address that is fucking awesome
brad-what the fuck are you talking about.... you there is a code for this shit like alpha beta
dale-yanke zulu yeah i can't remember that one so i was making it up... no don't write yanky zulu hahahahaha
brad-shit what the fuck is your email
dale-a..b..e..hey look it's in your address book hahahahaha
brad-jeasus christ

open letter to the cheese fucks who won't let it rest that i hate wine

Yes i hate wine to me red wine taste like butter and vinegar. I don't care if i have no class if it doens't involve beer and a launchair and raunchy rock and roll keep it all to yourself. I don't care if wine is romantic. You drink it by candle light i be the guy in the dimness across the table pounding pilsner. Oh what yeah ever for beer that is lack of class well you know what else is a lack of class giving a fuck about what other people drink chill the fuck out take some cheese and drink you fucking wine over there in the lame crying section. Yes i will drink wine if it is there but i will not like and pretend that it is better than sweet sweet pale ale or maple cream. besides sunsets, horses and flowers are for fucking romance and wine is for weddings and weddings are not romantic and usually you can get beer there if they are. The most romantic weddings i have ever been too had open bars which means free beer. That is the key to happiness free beer. I will never ask my friends to grab a glass of wine after work or pound a few carafes. Nope no sir i will stick to my yeasty bloat inducing beer or my roomates cause it is already cold ps derek i am drinking your beer as i write this thanks for not bringing home shitty wine this is much better.

-dale

dalebot more like hungover bot says:
no i didn't like shawn of the dead as much as everyone else
The the depths of Dark I dread, where the angels fear to tread... says:
me either, its another of those movies you are supposed to like
The the depths of Dark I dread, where the angels fear to tread... says:
I liked a couple parts though
The the depths of Dark I dread, where the angels fear to tread... says:
which is better than a lot of moives lately
The the depths of Dark I dread, where the angels fear to tread... says:
and a lot better than 8 days later
dalebot more like hungover bot says:
i absolutely loved 28 days later
dalebot more like hungover bot says:
but i saw it in the theatre before anyone talked aboiut it
dalebot more like hungover bot says:
to me that movie was briliant
The the depths of Dark I dread, where the angels fear to tread... says:
thats the zombia thing in britian
dalebot more like hungover bot says:
yeah
dalebot more like hungover bot says:
it was a fresh look at zombies
dalebot more like hungover bot says:
first movie with fast zombies
The the depths of Dark I dread, where the angels fear to tread... says:
I thought it was horrible and full of plot holes
The the depths of Dark I dread, where the angels fear to tread... says:
I had to sneek into Hulk to feel like I got my monies worth
dalebot more like hungover bot says:
it actually pretty redefined what zombie movies were
dalebot more like hungover bot says:
no 28 dayse later was amazing
The the depths of Dark I dread, where the angels fear to tread... says:
Actually we went and seen it and Hulk as a two for one bathroom break discount
dalebot more like hungover bot says:
and plot holes are better cause then you get to use your imagination and then your imagination can fill the gaps and your imagination makes everything better
dalebot more like hungover bot says:
just like books

fuck you all books are not better because you get to imagine the characters and pick which color the hair of lead protaganist is books are dale reading the rober jorndan wheel of time shitty thousand page snore fest waiting for bitching sword cutting action but instead waiting while perin walks through the fucking open field that he doesn't even tell us what it is for pages and pages dear robert jordan i spent half a year trudging through 3 books eat shit i am not reading anymore. Stop telling me to read. I'll read in the subtitles of my goddamn video games. eat it

Interview i did with trezzy from killbourne

I almost forgot my greatest pleasure and that was posting my articles so that all my friends could read them and then tell me how good they think i am and that i am an attractive fellow and the my shoulders have a nice shape to them... Or just read them because they have no access to the publication... cause they all live in shitty small towns.

This interview appeared in this months Nerve Magazine but it was way shorter and streamlined and cooler here is the long shitty version enjoy suckers.


Nerve-Does your band get any detrimental attention since you are an
all girl feminist band?

Trezzy-Some radio station that I can't remember the name of called me
at 9 am, it wasn't planned or anything and I was bleakly hung over—who
calls people at 9 am on Saturday! Any way the first words out of the
guys mouth after all the blah blah blah radio station preamble are "so
you must really hate men eh?" That was just the wrong foot to get off
on with me.

Nerve-Well it is a good thing I didn't ask you that—it was actually my
second question… just kidding.

Trezzy-Yeah you better be kidding. Actually we just played warped
tour. We played the Vancouver and Calgary dates on the Shira girl
stage. And we were hanging out at the merch tent after our set in
Vancouver and this guy comes up and he is like "sooo your playing on
the man hating stage hey?" What! I don't know; that connection is
missing to me.

Nerve-I will try to explain it to the best of my knowledge it's that
we are in the feminist backlash stage and there are a lot of men that
don't really know what to do when it comes to feminists. They See
Shira as upping women in rock and a lot of men have seen in the past
that you up women by downing men.

Trezzy-Well fuck that! Ok what I said to the guy after that comment was
"actually we love the cock"

Nerve-Oh p.s. I am totally putting that in the article

Trezzy-Oh come on my moms gonna read that—you should have seen the
look on the guys face the guy really didn't know what to say to that.

Nerve-He was probably like "payday!"

Trezzy-Well no we're not indiscriminant cock lovers.

Nerve-Aww…

Trezzy-But yeah I think that the notion of being a strong woman automatically
making you a man hater is really antiquated. That idea should have
died out with the dinosaurs.
Trezzy-I Totally agree about the backlash thing. In my opinion [when] we went
from the riot girl era to the suicide girl era the role of women in
alternative culture basically changed from being musicians and
activists and just involved to being porn stars.
Trezzy-To me being alternative is about values not an aesthetic and to
me porn is a very main stream value—that is not a judgment. I am not
saying that everyone who reads porn is bad, quite far from it actually
I think it is just another fetish. You have your Asian girl porn, you
got your girl on girl porn and you have your tattooed girl porn. To me
it is just another flavor and people heralding it as a new bold
revolution can fucking suck me off!

Nerve-Kiblourne is pro-scene but anti-scenester what does this mean?

Trezzy-You know how in ever scene there are always the cool kids who have
their finger on the pulse of the underground. Always in with the right
people, talking to the right people and going to the right parties and
so on and so forth?
Trezzy-Yeah were like the opposite of that.

Nerve-So your geeks.

Trezzy-well fuck yeah! Represent! Ain't no body geeks quite like we're geeks

Nerve-It says on your website that you believe in higher education: is
this a reference to college or world dynamics education?

Trezzy-I think there is a difference between education and schooling I
have met incredibly educated and awesomely knowledgeable people who
have never spent five minutes in a post secondary institution. That
having been said all three of us [have gone to school] like me and
Fran have degrees and Steph is actually second year.

Nerve-what are you degrees?

Trezzy-I have a BA in applied communications with a focus on media
studies. Fran has a B-Sci in management information systems. There is
this wonderful stereotype of musicians as these like drunk moron
fumbling fools.

Nerve-Is there any sister dynamics between you and your sister franny?

Trezzy-We often refer to each other as hetero sexual life mates. We
don't like anyone else. The only dynamic is we work really well
together. I'm the art fag and she takes care of the technical details.
There is a really good collaborative vibe there.

Nerve-Do you think it kind of alienates your other members at all?

Trezzy-No. I have been in a few bands in my day and I have never been
in a band that got along this well. We don't really disagree on too
much.

Nerve-what is eating you up these days like what is your issue du-jour?

Trezzy-Issue du-jour? My issue du-jour is the fact that our noble
leaders here in Alberta are charging off full Calvary style to try and
get the gay marriage thing over turned here in Alberta. They are
trying to get it that Alberta can only issue civil unions. Their only
argument is the sanctity of marriage and how same sex unions violate
the sanctity of marriage. My mom was telling me that-don't take this
the wrong way—that swingers clubs are all the rage right now like they
are huge. my moms is really uptight roman catholic Philipino so she
wouldn't dabble in this 'friend of a friend' you know. If swingers
clubs are really rampant and they say that homosexuals are violating
the sanctity of marriage like what is that.

d-swinging though is not really out in the open really it is more unspoken

t-I think things like that eventually always come some what into the open

d- it was really big in the seventies and they would have swinger
parties and such In my personal opinion I've never thought that
swinging went away

t- I agree not that I really know that much about it but as an
anthropologist I have read some pretty sound evidence that humans just
as primates are strongly inclined to non-monogamy. I'll use that to
excuse my antics on tour just joking

d- my opinion is we are monogamous in ever way except for our sexuality

t- that is an interesting so you mean our hearts are monogamous but
our junk is not

d- look how loyal we are to our best friend or our 'hetero life mates'
it's become to a point where we get our emotional relationship support
from one person and our sexual support from another person I'm not
saying that is everyone but I am noticing it a lot

d- what makes you happy what aren't you angry about.
t-I'm not actually what you know that whole thing about outdated
stereotypes the angry girl that's really not any of us were super
mellow people well we have grievances with large demographics of
people but you know we have a sense of humour about them. What makes
me happy is CSI makes me happy being self employed makes me happy.
Foundations made me happy when I had dinner with mack and his wife and
our bandmates

d-what is foundations

t-foundations is a restaurant in Vancouver that is really good

d- tell us about your award career as a folk singer

t-ah fuck I knew this was gonna fucking come up FUCK!

t- here is what happened last year I read in ffwd which is our musical
weekly there was an article about the winning entries and how
disappointing they were they reproduced some of the lyrics from the
winning song they were like "Alberta Alberta your so grand Alberta
Alberta you're my homland" and I was like psh I can write a fucking
folk song so I did and it won. Out of a 170 entries. Well there are
threee categories there is best song, best song about Alberta, and
best song by a new comer I was very calculated about the whole thing I
thought that there would be the least entries in songs about Alberta
so I wrote a song about Alberta entered it in it got second place in
that category so it got entered into the best song finals and then I
got first place in the best song finals. It was a total lark and it
kinda pisses me off that that garned me and kilbourne more attention
than anything I actually care about. We actually just played the folk
fest myself and my boyfriend who was playing the drums for my tune it
was fun it was really rainy but it was fun and I kinda felt like a
fraud because the other two finalists were all awesome and sincere and
folky and you know I felt like a huge poser.

t- but now avenue magazine which is this high society arts and culture
magazine in Calgary wants to do a photo hoot of me in like high end
couture the theme of the article is what local artisits in hot couture
like what we would wear if money was no object and like I don't own a
piece of clothing more than 20 bucks but honestly if money was no
object I wouldn't wear different clothes but I would have a lot more
guitars and a nicer computer too

d- how adamant is your hate for celine dion

t- I think ther is a lot of really good music coming out of Canada and
I don't know why the music and I don't know why the music that gets
chosen to represent Canadian music to the rest of the world is so
loathsome like hot god like the whole celine-shania-Alanis-bryan sort
of pantheon if you will

i have been pissing around with making collages in photoshop lately here are some of what i have made

So i was talking about god the other day

Well more like me and richard had a two hour argument in the kitchen at Mahoney's.
It started when me and stacey were chit chatting about this fellow she knows and how he had just gotten out of a four year relationship. It just so happens that the relationship ended when the female went back to England somewhere (I can't remember what country) after her schooling. "Why didn't he just go with her i asked" and stacey replied something along the lines of she wouldn't marry him because he wasn't a Christian. "That is fucking disgusting" I throw my opinion in and richard from across the line says something like "good for her".
I immediately call richard on this and ask why he would vouch for something so disgusting as ending a love for a religion. He just said that he admired her dedication and blah blah so the likes.
It is always odd how i end up working with devote Christians and we always end up coming to words over it. This happened pretty much exactly the same last summer when i was working at a military reserve corps. I got stuck working in a small room with another devote Christian.
I won't say that i hate them or even overly dislike them but i will say that i hate arguing with them and i hate the fact that they think i am not Christian because i am not informed.
I went to church till i was seventeen. I was baptized and had to go to catechism (which is like the secondary form of Sunday school) here i learned all about god and the likes. I was told information but never really found any answers. I was especially distraught when my pastor told me "there are some questions you just don't ask Dale. That's why they call it faith." Since i was actually just curious about a paradox of reasoning i found in the information i was fed i began to get increasingly leery of the whole thing at that point.
The first time i ever renounced god was in elementary school. I cited the idea that i didn't want to be a pet like a fish in a bowl so that some god could experiment with humanity.
I also told richard to some point my views on the whole religion thing. The argument lasted for two hours and even i was bored so i will not berate you with all the petty details of an argument i will just run some highlights that i have been thinking about lately. Well just things to think about because i do not also want to tell you how to think or what to think. Instead i will just try to put some things down that have cause me to wander just what exactly there is and all that jazz you know the big questions.
In high school i saw a poster in the hall way it was a quote by Albert Einstein under a mug shot of that taunting face the one that portrays a man who had the ability to think and rationalize deeper than a fair chunk of people and a man who never once in his life wore socks you ask yourself well i wear socks i beat Einstein. The quote was "What i really want to know are God's thoughts" I have spent a few days under the ole apple tree if you will with this quote to keep me company.
"What are gods thoughts?"
"If he does exist what is the point?"
"What the fuck could he ever want from us?"
"Isn't he infinite?"
"Does he want our recognition and worship like it says in the first commandment "Thou shalt worship no other god (For the Lord is a jealous god"?"
"isn't jealousy a very human trait and isn't god above that"
"If this version is different from the one you heard why is there different versions you figure if this is the true strong power they could get it right and not have different version of the very rules you are to abide by?"
“If Lucifer is a fallen angel that means he is less powerful than god like he works under god doesn’t that put a spur in the satan bad god good train of thought?”
“Shouldn’t it be god good god bad?”

But if you guys want to put on comments and tell me how wrong I am then go right ahead just don’t pretend like I am supposed to believe anything. Actually I hate arguing about god in fact it is pointless neither of us will just change our mind. Instead tell me a funny sex story those are way better than talking about religion. Or better yet don’t read my shitty blog go get a beer and scratch your genitals then make someone laugh. Making someone else laugh next to the sound of a smashing beer bottle is the greatest sound there is well unless you had just pulled down your pants and she is laughing at your silly wilted penis.

Those of you who have known me for a long time realize that at some times i can be quite intelligent.
Those of you who barely know me think i am a blithering idiot. Which is fine i would be lying if i said i didn't act like that. After all we all need to laugh.
I guess what i am trying to say is that after my 26th birthday i have been thinking a lot about who i am inward and outward and i have decided that i will once again try to act wise. Just like back when i started college i will act calm and try to give anyone who wants it sound advice. I will calmly ponder all my actions before i make choices and i will again try to parle a stronger vocabulary onto you my listeners.
Don't get your hopes up though you bunch of pig fuckers as soon as i stop feeling old i will be right back to annoying dale who gets drunk and punches your genitals but until then you might catch me staring off into the distance this means i am culminating my thoughts and trying to answer the big questions of life--well that or the best way to punch your crotch.

oh sweet mary fuck yeah

net at last
net at last
sweet god almighty
net at last

alright i now have the internet in my home again. I'd write more but super shaw man deliverer of sweet sweet internet has made me almost late for work so i have to leave.

now that i have the internet again i have to ability to waste my sweet precious time doing nothing. Well seeing what names means isn't technically nothing i guess.

site = http://www.thesurrealist.co.uk/slang.cgi

dale
adj. exceptional or tiny.
"Don't, Billie, he ain't dale."
wow that is kind of embarassing

de ruiter
adj. stolen.
"That pet animal is so de ruiter!"
main i should totally de ruiter this idea

derek
n. (vulgar) a girl.
"Check out that derek, Shana!"

bolen
interj. expression of disbelief.
"Man, I just saw Mom and Dad, going to cheat on a disco!" "Bolen!"

i actually think i like them better when they don't really make that much sense

after running out of names i tried some of my avatars

aberant
n. a particularly crude party.
"Did you play with the last aberant, old chap?"

drogan
n. homework, often nice.
"All your drogan are belong to us, Frank."
wow this wins the award for pretty much coolest ever

eric boruiter
v. to become broken.
"If you don't eric boruiter, buddy, I will."

wow i can't wait to tell my good friend eric boruiter what his name means

Open letter to my bank

Dear stupid user un-friendly bank: There has never been a time when you caught your self saying "Oh boy! I get to go to the bank today before work. Oh jelly beans! I even have to go to the teller instead of the machine this is double fun." Probably because the bank is worse then the dentist. At least at the dentist you get your teeth fixed and after the freezing from your fillings wears off you can happily go back to chewing on walnut shells. The bank? No an hour and a half later your told that your account stands at -68$. because someone took money out and that you can't cash your check to buy a transit pass that if I wait any longer I won't be able to buy because all the seven elevens will be sold out then the teller will laugh at me because of the hilarity of me trying to buy pass when it is so hilariously past the time of reasonably having any tickets left.
Oh but this time we will be really nice to you and let you cash your check. Why thank you bank you mean you are going to be gracious enough to let me cash a check that has cash value at your fine institution even though you let some fuckers go into my account when I had no money and bump it into over draft.
Oh I should go talk to them because they I never gave them the authorization of letting them in. Heres an idea fuck head how bouts you don't let random people into my account! How bout you cash this check! That is your fucking purpose isn't it dealing it with money. How bout this you emasculating jerks, make it easier to deal with my money. Yes my money. The money I put in there let me have it when I want it and if it is not to much trouble don't let other people just take it.
Oh you would rather sit there in your business suit and give me the stink eye because i am over drawn. Hey don't worry not like I am enroute to anywhere take an hour to cash a check screw up six times ask 4 different supervisors for help so they can all take their turn thinking they are better than me.
Thank you bank of Montreal I really enjoy working with you. I will further my business with you because I enjoy your speedy service. Well that and the fact that all banks are ridiculous and I will have a hold put on my account when i switch. Actually I am going to go to the TD and get my free I-pod shuffle ass holes.
With loving care
-dale