I was starting to think that meeting one of my main Idols from back when I was a teenager, Al Jourgensen, might never happen. I would have to crawl with my tail between my legs and take back all the bragging I had done. I took every chance I had to rub it in the faces of friends and strangers alike that I was going to meet the industrial god and thus was twice as awesome as they would ever be.

I sat in the alley just off Granville and Robson, picking paint off of a telephone pole for fuck near forever, I was finally led through the maze that is the bowels of the commodore ballroom by tour manager of the Master-Bâ-Tour We passed the stage complete with mic stands adorned with pieces of dead cow skeletons and headed to the band room where Al Jourgensen and the rest of the Ministry and Revolting Cocks crew sat in preparation for their highly anticipated concert.

The first Revolting cocks album in 10 years (Cocked and Loaded) was recently released. Ministry is at the height of their productivity releasing their best material since the mid nineties. What do these two thing have in common? Both of these splendid happenings are all thanks to Al Jourgensen and the fact that after 21 years of heroin addiction he had had enough.

“I don’t hate drugs and I would never say don’t do drugs but for me it doesn’t work. We’re survivors of 15 to 20 years of decadence and we realized it doesn’t work for us. It may work for other people and Initially it worked for me and then it became really disgusting” Al Jourgensen expands on the bands zero tolerance policy. He further adds on the subject of his being more productive without the H in his veins; “We’re no longer on dealer standard time. I can live my own life. You can see the progression of the addiction like with the ministry albums on wax tracks… then there’s Cocks… then Lard… then some other side projects and then all of a sudden it’s three years between albums but now were back on top.”

With such a high level of output, two albums and two videos in the last year alone, one could only wonder about the legendary side project legacy of Jourgensen (including: Pail Head with Ian McKaye, P with Flea and Gibby Haynes, Lard with Jello Biafra, and 1000 Homo DJs with Trent Reznor). Could that too become as fever paced as the nineties? When asked he replied “Right now I have the three headed monster, ministry, revolting cocks and lard. In the future there is another project coming up which is basically Ravens project but I am going to through my hat in the ring It’s called Mob Research. I am still working on my goddamn Buck Satan record but I want to end my career with that so the last record I will ever put out will be Buck Satan and the 666 Shooters.”

For Jourgensen who has worked with everyone from Neal Young to members of Cheap Trick the person at the top of the list for future collaborations is Tom Waits. The two haven’t talked and it is more of a wish situation shared by us all I am sure. Jorgensen’s outlook on the situation is “it if it is meant to happen it will happen.”

On the revolting cocks album Iggy Pop has writing credits on track 1 (Fire Engine). It is his only involvement in the album so I asked Jorgensen exactly what that meant. “I wrote the music and Iggy wrote the lyrics in nineteen hundred and eighty three. [That Year] in Boston me and Iggy went to the studio. This is an out take that sat on the shelf for a long time and we just re-recorded it. It is a song about how Iggy couldn’t get a cab, couldn’t get a ride to score dope in the lower east side in new York so he eventually hopped a fire engine to go get it.

After all the Nostalgia questions I was burning to know something from a man who has had the opportunity to make music with social commentary on the presidency terms of both George Bushes. I can’t even imagine being socially conscious through both eras and since I was a pre-teen while Herbert Walker tooled around the oval office. So which one is worse? “This one, without a doubt. Without a doubt.” Al Jorgensen immediately replied.

But what would make this bush worse after all thy do have pretty much the same cabinet? “The absolute incompetence, stupidity and arrogance. The arrogance mostly comes from the people who prop him up, the Rumsfields the Cheneys the Wolkowitzes. The stupidity is a factor that even his dad didn’t have. His dad had the arrogance, the corruption and the greed but add in the stupidity factor and it is like throwing gasoline on a fucking fire. Sometimes he actually thinks he’s the president.”

Then after all the gloomy political bitching I thought it would be good to end with something positive so I asked Mr. Jorgensen what he would say the over all message that his body of work should convey is:
“Think for yourself that is what the lyrics are about and the music is wear steel toed boots to shows and never drink wine with ought a cork stay away from the cardboard kegs and the twists offs and you will be ok in life.

Sniper Elite
Developer: Rebellion
Publisher: Namco Hometek, Inc.

Usually within this column space your senses would be regaled with reviews of two games. Also I usually only review games that I have finished. But not this month. Oh no this month is dedicated to the free time black hole known as Sniper Elite. I haven’t even finished this game but it deserves all the space I can give it.

This face exploding WWII based game has made Roger’s video fall in love with me. I have probably spent over a hundred dollars in re-rentals and late fees and way too much of my free time on this title but it is worth it and besides who the fuck wants to go outside when you can shoot not only German but also Russian crotches with bloody exploding gore slow mo replay? We’ll I’ll tell you who, a communist would go outside that’s who and we ain’t no reds are we kiddies. We hate the reds, we shoot the reds and then we complete the mission and get bonus points for killing two at once.

If your worried about wasting too many of your precious beach hours this summer thus becoming a hermit you can ease the pain and drag someone else down with you. This game is co-op which means you can have a little bit of help making sure that atomic technology does not fall into the wrong hands. When your not two busy arguing over med packs you can outflank your enemy and squeeze off a lucky shot that hit’s a grenade on their belt blowing them off of their mortal coil and giving you bonus points.

Yet another reason this game is awesome because it is all the best parts about being a gangster with none of the bad. You get to walk around with a gun and shoot people in demz grill pieces. You can scream gangster taunts at your TV and not have to worry about getting shot outside your favourite club in Gastown. You don’t even have to listen to that shitty music or dress ridiculous and look like a toddler who busted into your older brothers jersey collection. You just get to crawl around in the bomb crater mud through destroyed buildings and shit your pants every time you hear footsteps, just like a real soldier.

Pretty much everyone would agree that the best part of most Shooter games is when you get that sniper rifle and crawl to some ridge and shoot the hapless enemy in the head. With great pleasure I am able to report that this is pretty much the majority of Sniper Elite. Your main weapon is a Sniper Rifle and you can accent your armoury with machines guns, pistols, TNT, even time bombs and trip wire grenades. Also if you have time you can search corpses and take German stick grenades off of their lifeless husks.

Before you murder the bad guys they can be pretty interesting challenges to kill because the game is designed to realistically simulate all the challenges of long-distance shooting. Accounting for wind speed, elevation, and even breathing and heart rate. What this means is that the wind carries your bullet on your football and a half headshot so that it misses and then the dude runs away and get backup and you die. Sniper Elite is comprised of 28 non-linear levels designed to challenge gamers to figure out the best way to accomplish their objectives. You can either run around machine gunning everyone and get shot in the ass as they unload on you or you have the option of taking the time to sneak up and get covert kills.

Since this game has sucked up so much of my time and money you have probably guessed that I like it. Which would be an understatement, this game is like that hot girl in high school that you never hooked up with. Well actually it is nothing like that girl but damn if I could go back in time I would try to hook up with that girl and justify my existence. Or I would just fail again and become miserable and not be able to look women in the eye for fear that they will become attached and just hurt my heart and make me sad. Then I could play Sniper Elite and be happy again because Sniper Elite will never ever leave me no matter how many times Roger’s video threatens my life.

This is my video game column for june which is now aptly called button masher

Darkwatch
Developer: High Moon Studios, Inc.
Publisher: Capcom USA, Inc.

This is a simple cowboy and Indian First person shooter. Except that you are a vampire cowboy fighting un-dead Indians as well as an assortment of zombie monsters.

You control Jericho Cross, an outlaw train robber. The game starts out with you robbing a train that belongs to a group called Dark watch. They are basically a society that has been fighting vampires since the dawn of time. While robbing the train you blow up what you think is the safe but is actually a containment cell for some ultimate bad guy thing. He bites you and escapes. The rest of the game you are playing catch up as you try to kill him before you become a complete vampire. As the plot progresses you chase the demon through various western themed levels and unlock vampire powers.

What initially drew me to this game was the fact that it is a co-op game. With less and less titles being released in a co-op format finding one that is actually any good is a gem all it self. Like drinking video games can only be considered a problem if you are doing it by your self and not in the company of friends. With a co-op game you do not have to worry about becoming a soul-less hermit because there is always at least one friend their with you… even if they do take all the fucking sniper rifle ammo.

This game is not realistic--which is awesome. I am pretty tired of the infuriating recoil that is often associated with period piece shooters. The guns in this game can hold their own and don’t fire as crappy as they would if they were true to the era. That said I guess if you had an unlimited amount of funds and engineers, like I presume the Darkwatch would it is conceivable that these guns could have been produced. Except the rail rocket launcher that is just ridiculous but you can’t really have a badass shooter without a rocket launcher so I am willing to forgive High Moon Studios on that one.

24: the game
Developer: SCEE Cambridge Studios
Publisher: 2k Games

The next logical step for the hit television series is to release a game based on the 5 season Fox series. The game takes place between seasons 3 and 4 as Jack Bauer tries to solve the mystery of the failed Palmer Assasination. The title boasts elements of a shooter, a puzzle/problem solving and driving game.

The shooting aspect is pretty much identical to an old game for PS called Syphon filter which is ¾ over the shoulder view with target lock on. This part of the game is pretty easy as you just hold down L1 and fill the bad guys full of holes and then nudge the joystick to lock on to the next target. There is a wide array of weapons in this game but it doesn’t really matter because they are pretty much the same within each weapon class. As in all the submachine guns seem to be similar.

The puzzle solving in this game is better than average as you basically just use it to get into doors and repair your computers that always seem to be getting destroyed throughout the game. It is not very advanced as you just pick which way you want to circuit power to go from hub to hub. The bonus part is you can listen to techno music from the mid nineties and scream “Hack the Planet” as you break into the mainframe of the bad guys mainframe… that will show the bastards you just opened their door and there is nothing they can do about it.

Driving in this game is absolutely atrocious. I don’t know what knob decided that cars driving 40 mph would be exciting, because it isn’t. The cars drive so slow in this game that you will just become infuriated and smash you controller to pieces before you ever “ditch the tail.”

The basic rundown of this game is that it is a mix of 3 sub par games that doesn’t amount to much. It doesn’t really matter because I am sure millions will be duped into playing it just because of the popularity of the show.

The Video - Dead Brotherhood of the Dead
Stereo Dynamite Recordings

The press release for this CD totes that this album is a ground breaking mix of punk and hard core. Basically what this means for you the listener is that they took punk guitar and choruses and then scream for the verse. Its such a good idea it is a wonder no one else thought about it.
Some of their hooks are pretty good and the punk guitars are a nice touch. The hard core elements of this CD are the downfall. Although they are kept to a minimum the slow down and chant screaming grows tiresome quickly. This album would be a lot better if they were to just stick to the other styles of singing (including bouce punk and metal screaming) displayed.
If you like the whole post hardcore/screamo thing then this band is definitely worth a check out if not well we don‘t hold grudges here at the nerve.

Killbourne - Fashion Police Brutality
No list records

A little over a year after their last effort Measure of health Killbourne has given us a new disc. This CD is better than their last. It is more accomplished and further removed from the typical girl in a band thing. Trezzy’s screams are awesome and are backed up by some nice guitar/bass work on the part of Dan and Franni.
The album would be a lot better if Kilbourne didn’t stick to such clichéd established causes. Fashion shows and the beauty myth are a bad thing for young girls--well I had no idea. Holy shit child labour is bad what the fuck. Then again it is good to see that there are intelligent girls out there who don’t make music based on their lady lumps.
Kilbourne is a good band for a younger audience (one who hasn’t quite wrestled with the questions of beauty and disenfranchisement). For someone older though who has dealt with these things it could seem like a rehash of preaching to the converted but there is some enjoyment to be had so check it out.

CD reviews for June

Godsmack - IV
Republic Records
Universal Records

The thing about stoner rock--or post grunge or whatever you call it nowadays--is that it is either extremely shitty or it can be simply palatable. So many of us have had our fare share of the former so we in turn abandoned the genre altogether. Godsmack has been together for over ten years now and it is a wonder why they haven’t tried to retool themselves to get away from that atrocious sound.
That whole Nickle-disturded-theory-of-a-puddle-of-shit-fuck-scene has almost driven most of us to homicide. The forth album by Godsmack is a little bit above that. This CD is tolerable and that is as far as I am willing to go with it. The thought of the radio playing Sully Erna’s Alice in Chains influenced throaty gargle instead of Chad Krueger’s satan warble is almost enough to make me not want to kill people… almost.