Sunday, October 28, 2012

I swear i used to have sex

I've been thinking about the sex i used to have a lot lately. Mostly because i barely ever "get down" these days. And the stuff i'm getting sure aint as good.
Either i'm getting rusty with my skills from lack of practice or the girls who know how to "back that truck up" properly have been given full time jobs driving dump truck for their boyfriends and husbands.
When these lovely ladies do want to find a new job quite often they are specialized on the equipment at the old company. Then when i finally convince them to drive my rig around the block they take most of the time trying to get used to the double gear shift and don't have enough free hands to adjust the radio and some annoying classic rock song that i can't stand is playing and i've heard it way too many times to put up with at a time like this and i would change the station myself except i can't reach the stereo dials because i'm holding onto the "oh shit handle" trying my best to pretend i'm not terrified everytime she hits the curb.
Maybe i got too deep into that analogy, anyways i'll never master what ever move joe blow before me had 5 years to perfect. I mean i've read the kamu sutra, slowly, precisely and many times might i add, but i've never found the "how my ex used to do it" position. Quite frankly i'm sure this frog sitting on a log one would be better for both of us anyway.
Anotuer problem is I should probably stop comparing sex with me to driving a dump truck. Clearly it's more akin to driving a monster truck if you know what i'm sayin'.
Well a completely average sized monster truck with a bit of a bend in the middle because i learned the hard way i'm not really that good at pornstar guerilla fucking. Or gorilla fucking i should say. I meant rough like an animal and not as a surprise from the back while you're treckin through the jungle.
I mean i could try to fuck a girl like an animal but i'm over 30 and i still spend half the time i'm having sex trying to will myself not to cum early.
In my old age it seems a lot dirtier and i don't feel those carnal urges as much. Just the other day i was watching a bukake video and the girl drank a wine glass full of jizz at the end to which i dry heaved. Nothing makes you feel old like being repulsed by porn.