dream job

My dream job is not working.

Since the whole staying at home doing nothing thing isn't really at all financially feasible I sacrifice my time and body to get money from a job that truth fully isn't all that exciting. Like we all do. None of us want to get up early and waste most of our day punching a clock but the annoying thing is we have to. Somehow our brains are addicted to work and when we are jobless we can't even enjoy how beautiful being unemployed really is.

Recently I was "laid off" from a job. We'll just say it was all their fault and none of it mine. That way I don't have to think about all my possible shortcomings or work ethic lapses and launch myself into a shame spiral. I like to save all my pity party self loathing action for when I obsess about my failed dating life. As for romance we'll just treat that like the aforementioned "lay off" it's all their fault and none of mine... I can just deal with the denial in 20 years when it's manifested itself into a life crippling mental illness. Like I said though that's a problem for two decades from now lets get back to the not having a job thing.

By the end of the second week off I was having mini panic attacks and convinced my life was over. I was doubting my life decision to get into welding in the first place and I started to ask myself some big questions. Should I go back to my old passion career of Graphic Design? Could I even get a job as a Graphic Designer again? Would I be happier than I am welding? Should I have stayed in Calgary? Was simply having a artistically fulfilling career worth the monetary drawbacks? The inevitable answer to all of these and many more self doubt riddled inquiries was and is a resounding NO.

See the problem that people never consider when the pie eyed romantic talk about dream jobs and even your dreams in general is what happens after you achieve them? For your life's fairy tale how long is ever after?

How long can Snow White be married to prince charming before the bliss starts to fade. Before they both get fat and constantly argue about the annoyingness of each other's personality traits. How long can Mr. Charming really let the whole "exactly how long were you living with seven short hairy dudes in the forest?" question go unasked. How long can miss White ignore the fact that Charming basically mouth raped her while she was asleep as the aforementioned gaggle of dwarves watched? What would have happened if she never woke up?

My point is this: we're constantly striving to achieve our dreams. We have our minds set on getting to that point, reaching our goals. What happens when we actually obtain them? All I wanted was to be a professional Graphic Designer I never really thought about what would happen after 8 years at it when i grew tired of the meager pay and sitting in front of a computer all day. Yes it was artistically rewarding and yes I was doing fine... but why didn't i realize earlier on that i would eventually want to do finer.

The most annoying thing I keep hearing bitter old people tell the young generation of worker bees is "if you do something you love it doesn't feel like work." Well bullshit on that. If you HAVE to do something you love you fall out of love with it pretty quick. Just the fact you have to do your passion a certain way or by a certain time makes it inevitably feel like work awfully quick.

Now if you're one of those rare people who actually gets to do what they want whenever they want and are still able to make a living, then fuck you! Go be fulfilled somewhere else. This is a blog, you know that thing people pretend they're a totally super literate author on but more often than not turns into a whiny journal entry written like it's being told out loud in terrible conversation English... but with all the "like"s, "uhhh"s and "ahhh"s removed? Also apparently totally full of run on sentences.

Furthermore if you are living your bliss why are you even on the internet? Online is the great happiness ruiner. It's why everyone on social media complains about wasting their time with social media. Everyone seems to point out how much better their life would be if they just got back to nature... instead of getting in their car and actually going to nature. Personally I find nature highly over rated and can appreciate the battle humans have undergone since cave man days to distance themselves from it and all it's dark, cold and empty discomforts.

I know it's my own naivete to blame the people who filled my head with sugar plumbs and visions of a strife free life... doesn't mean I like it or even have to accept it graciously because there should have been some wisend old person who could have advised me that sometimes a romantic thought of what is going to make you happy is short sighted and fleeting. Although I guess now that I've learned my lesson I'll get the ultimate ego stroke of becoming the sage who gets to warn others to think long term multiple level goals and not just immediate ones.

The true key to work happiness is not finding a job that is easy or doesn't even feel like work the best job is one that feels like hard work and thus makes you feel satisfied at the end of the day because you actually had to put in effort to finish what had to be done. You need the strife so you can over come it then go to the bathroom and pat yourself on the back and tell the mirror that you're a fucking rockstar and totally better than other people trying to do the same job as you because Jerry doesn't know what he's doing and would have totally shit the bed where you conquered and now deserve to be showered in dump trucks worth of five dollar bills.

Fuck I'm so smart!