new sex column and if the last one offended you well hot damn there is poop in this one.

What the hell are the kids doing to each other these days? The grapevine always seems to deliver disturbing news about the horrors today..s youth are undertaking. I..m not even talking about the rise of violence that seems to cause an unending river of tears. No, instead what I am talking about is how kids are putting porn stars to shame.

I heard from a friend, who knows a teacher, about what is going on in middle school these days. I know, I know, your thinking ..whatever friend..s of friends tales, sounds like bullshit to me... Sure, I admit, I haven..t confirmed my information first hand but come on, what am I supposed to, do go fuck little girls you..re sick. Nah instead lets just take this information to be true. Besides, life is more fun if all the urban legends are true. Broken off hotdogs in vaginas aside, back to the matter at hand.

Apparently today the kids are giving each other ..trombones... Alarms instantly go off when you hear this kind of shit. Who the hell taught the generation of tomorrow to give a rimmer whilst giving a hand job at the same time? Why are they doing this disgusting act so young? But more importantly, why the hell couldn..t I get a trombone in grade 7? I would be a completely different person right now if that had happened in my youth. Well, probably not completely different, but compared to these kids I was a damn monk in high school. The extent of my sexuality at age 12 was sitting beside a girl who might talk to you and, maybe, if the Gods are nice, you might get a smooch in the hayloft. Come to think of it, my brain would..ve probably short-circuited if my ass got licked while I bent over some haybails.

Not to sound like a total prude here but I..ve always been scared of the second hole. I was under the impression that when you mixed that and your mouth you get sick. For instance, you hear on the news that some cook in some greasy diner didn..t wash his hands thoroughly after he went to the bathroom and a whole bunch of people got sick. Were talking more than an upset stomach and bad breathe here. This is in the realm of serious stuff like dysentery or even hepatitis A. I don..t know about you, but if I..m going to get an STD it better be worth it. Like, sexual intercourse with Pam Anderson better be involved and not just sticking my mouth on something for a couple of minutes.

For some reason I don..t think sex ed. is going to cover this one because as I remember, the video didn..t cover the whole tongue-in-ass section of sex. Since if we try to force these kids to stop they will just hate us and move on to something even grosser like ATMs or something revolting like that. What we need to do is get a food health worker to talk to these kids. Tell them how sick they can get and throw in some talk about tapeworm or something like that. You know scare the shit out of the kids.. literally.

my sex column

I started to not post these because i thought they may be too randy but fuck it. If you don't like reading about sex then stay off my blog.

Yaaaay dink size column are go.

Alright I guess it is time to talk about specific measurements of our bits. The size of our genitals has always been up for debate as in weather or not we should give a shit about the specifics. Does size matter? The people who want to take the safe root, ride the fence, and not offend anyone always say that it does not matter and that it is how you use it. Well size does matter. We all know it. Girls like troglodyte cavemen with gigantic wangs and boys like virgin girls with small vagina openings.

Its just a matter of the physics of sex--more genital friction equals better stimulation. Now, now I don't want everyone to go crying there face off here. You need to know that we don't want lots of friction all the time. Speaking from a guys point of view its like when you masturbate and you squeeze your hand really hard, yeah it feels good and you come like a rocket, but if you do it too much your dink gets all red and throbby. I don't have a vagina but I am willing to bet getting the edges stretched on a regular basis can cause discomfort. Chaffing on your wang or giney is about the most annoying thing you can have done to your members. So just remember kiddies that high friction sex is like Twinkies; yeah their good but you can only eat them once in a while or your junk will burn with bleeding soreness.

I'm not going to tell you how big my dink is but let me just tell you this it lies within the realms of average. Which I am not going to print here because some people would rather not know how they measure up. No need to worry because there is a couple mentions of penises on the internet and I am sure with diligence you will be able to find someone willing to tell you about the size of their penis. The most important thing about size is that it is subjective I have been told I was big and small on about the same number of occasions and never really put too much weight on these judgments because it is impossible to understand why someone is commenting on this topic. Someone can tell you about size out of spite or false praise so in effect unless you are either really big or really small you'll never really know. Just find someone who tells you its good enough and stick with them they are probably the only ones not lying anyway.

So your still not convinced about your member being good enough well there are a couple things each sex can do to alter the feeling of sex. Of course there is surgery for both sexes but just imagine a doctor splaying open your genitals with a very sharp knife.

Girls can do keegel exercises that will help develop the muscles inside the vagina that can grasp the penis if done correctly. To do a keegel you clench the muscle that you use to stop peeing hold for a couple of seconds and release. The best time to do these is when you are in class and bored (dudes can do this too it makes your loads bigger and gives you harder orgasms). Also if the vagina is not penetrated for a length of time the flesh tightens and after 6 to 9 months can reclaim virgin status.

Boys can get a penis pump or even take pills to make their member bigger but we all knew that already. If your bedding a woman who wants to try out what it would be like to have a bigger man there is an old Japanese practice just for you. Take soft cloth (silk) and make it moist. Wrap this cloth around your dink and tie it in place with some string or strips of cloth. Cover the whole thing up with a condom and apply some lube. Poof instant big cock. Make sure it is all tightly wrapped so that it doesn't come undone and you end up explaining to her dad why you had to take his angel to the emergency room with foreign objects lodged in her hole.