The first time I ever played video games for ten hours straight

I have had a love affair with video games now for 18 years. It all started at the tender age of 8 years old when I was in grade 3 with the Sega Master system, father of the Sega Genesis. Over the years I have put in some hefty shifts of game play. Good or bad I, like most addicts, kicked the problem only to return. This sequence of events has happened many times over--cold turkey into bleeding eyes. Finally I have found a healthy balance of reality broken up by some delicious x-box escape. It’s cheaper than the drink and is less soul crushing than internet porn, it is the perfect vice.

Over the remembrance day long weekend me and my friend Aaron played a game called X-men Legends II. This game has a fun factor of about a million and a half because you can play two players co-operative. There are about 15 characters to choose from including the Juggernaut.

This gigantic brute is one of my all time favourite comic characters mostly because of his overt ridiculousness The guy is about 10 feet tall and is covered in that red steel that they build bridges out of. His helmet is basically shaped like a flattened ufo and has slits cut out for his eyes and mouth. Another reason I like this dude is because he isn't a mutant. I have heard friends and strangers alike use this line of reasoning for their love of batman as well. He is a super hero just because he knows martial arts and has a lot of toys. That they feel gives them a closer bond with the dark knight. They relate to batman because he is not to far removed from them. This is because the other super heroes that have been changed through radiation or some other ridiculous means have acquired their powers through ridiculous means and are completely not based at all in reality. Batman however just did some training and va-zing super hero.

So if I work out for ten years and some how fall into an ass load of money well then I too can become a super hero. Sorry but batman’s route takes too much work as in way to much effort for this would be do-gooder. Why spend years dedicating your mind and body to martial arts when you can just travel to china and find a Cytorrak crystal. Sure said gem does not actually exist and finding an intact underground temple constructed by aliens may be a little hard to do as an amateur spelunker but a man can hope can’t he. If you were actually able to become a huge anger machine who can crush anything with your bare hands the thought of spending most of you life pursuing fighting skills fuelled by bitterness and regret is not so appealing.

It isn’t even just super heroes people seem to attach them selves to anything that they can live vicariously through. Whether it be those dreadful Canucks or the meat heads on the OC we all like to get caught up in something and just be idiots about it. I am not one for sports in general. (Oddly at one point me and my little brother had a fantasy hockey league with a roster of comic book hero’s and juggernaut was my goalie.) I find the idea redundant and tiring but you try to rid my controller of my grasp and I will make that tantrum throwing kid in the super market line-up who didn’t get his chocolate look like the wee little babe that he/she actually is with an adult sized freak out.

I do understand how someone can let themselves get so carried away with false realities. My life is pretty paltry in comparison to something as exciting as a comic book video game. How cliché dork am I to enjoy Sci-Fi over sports but come-on if your going to have a fantasy why not make it as grand as can be. Every single one of day dreams should include robots, space and preferably some hot action but that aside I will settle for just the first two.

You start a robot interstellar hockey league call me and I will be there right beside everyone else screaming and breaking shit. Then I can get a robot of my very own. And every time he screws up on the ice I can shame him. Shame him good. Just like that loving sport parent. “You worthless robot how will you ever be famous and make me money. You have to play better and be better than you are or I won’t love you. No Christmas presents for robot, you didn’t score enough goals.”

Nobody likes a sad robot so it is probably better that I stick to video games. I am training for future bonding with my not yet existent family. I will win over my future children with all my extra practice. I will jump on the coffee table and scream in little bobbies face. Cause I beat him at halo 12 and then I will pinch him untill he plays better. “Bobby the pain will stop once you don’t suck balls at halo.”

You can have my remote when you tear it from my cold dead hands!