So i went to toronto here are some pictures

Story of the year photo blog

Hostel is not the scariest movie you’ve seen in the last decade as proclaimed by Ain’t it cool news (which is blazoned across multiple advertisements). In fact over all the movie isn’t that scary. The movie is however immensely disturbing.

This movie follows the American vain of horror which is to loosely set up a plot, then get you too feel the characters then kill them grotesquely with no shortage of audience trauma. By that I mean something disturbing, whether it be gore or in Hostel’s case screaming.

Hostel has the most chilling screams I have ever heard by a victim in a horror movie. When the geeky asthmatic-lovable-guy-with-a-fanny-pack-all-to-cautious Josh (Derek Richardson) gets his Achilles tendons sliced with a scalpel I actually clawed at my seat a little bit as I cringed violently. His hollering was so convincing that a couple to my immediate right as well as two members of the group I arrived with had to leave. I was even contemplating walking myself. Not a bad feat for an actor whose only other major role was Harry Dunne in Dumb and Dumberer. The most dishevelling factor of this movie was the story.

The plot is very simple which is another aspect of American horror. Two Americans are backpacking across Europe. In Amsterdam in a chance meeting they are told of a hostel in Slovakia with a veritable sea of hot sluts. (Apparently in a poor eastern European town all the girls can afford breast implants.) The hostel is a front to sell tourists so they can be tortured by wealthy business men from around the world. The reason this is so disturbing is it is based on actual events. Allegedly Eli Roth the director found a website in Taiwan that advertised such business ventures. Whether you believe that or not the thought of it is worse than any horror movie in the last ten years.

The downside of this Movie is inevitably the crowd. Either people love it and scream about how awesome it was or they claim it had no effect on them. Each response is disheartening. If someone loves it well then they love seeing people tortured and just makes life sadder. There is always the tired cliché of the person who wasn’t scared by the horror movie. You know the one who steadies themselves so that they will not be scared or horrified by the movie. These people are annoying and should just keep their opinion to themselves. Last time I checked one of the bonuses of horror movies was letting your self get all freaked out.

the first time i ever drove to nelson in a hummer.

My friend invited me to go on a road trip with him to the Kootneys, more specifically Nelson. There was no real reason to go. Mostly due to boredom from the lack of anything better to do I agreed to go visit with a girl he knew from the internet. Since I am not going to talk about that later I will just tell you they hit it off and did it in the hotel room while I talked to my mom on messenger in the lobby.

Making preparations for the trip we were trying to decide what kind of car we should rent for the trip. I suggested the new mini and he started crying about other drives on the road not being trusted. We being in a small car would be brutally killed in a ball of flames, he pleased that he wanted a bigger car for his own safety. Something nice and shiny he thought like a Cadillac like the one those two ghost twin guys who could go through walls drove in the matrix. This car would be the perfect blend of luxury and on coming lane car obliterating girth.

A lot of people will argue that the point of other drivers hitting them and thus destroying their existence is the 'horrible downfall' of small cars. Citing paltry size as tell tale sign of getting crushed under the wheels of a full-size car. Basically by this reasoning everyone should be driving the land yachts of the late 70’s Ford LTD’s all around with steel paneling. Every car should weigh over two tonnes and not be able to stop for miles after the breaks are applied.

End rant resume Synopsis.

A car was decided on and I received a call. "A fucking Hummer" I laugh into the phone. "Isn't that a bit ridiculous on gas to take through the pass." He assured me it would be alright because it was an H3 and they are the ‘suburban hummer‘, or as I like to call them the ‘suburban hammer‘. This is perfect we could destroy whole families with a vehicle like that. With the two foot blind spot we could even run crosswalks and mow down kids. We would practically have to hit a semi for us not to win the bigger car in accident award.

We would rule the road even SUVs would tremble in our shadow. As awesome as the ability to destroy an escalade feels the realization of the fact that I had become what I hate and riding in the classic earth destroyer. That and the realization that we were driving a hummer to hippie-war-deserter town kind of put a damper on my whole tough-guy-shit-head-fight-everything mood. I felt a certain shame knowing that I would be arriving in a mountain town in a redesigned army vehicle.

OH MY GOD! THERES A BONANZA IN REGINA! LETS GO.




I will admit that when i got to bonanza i got a little emotional.



Not since my child hood had i experienced the glorious salad bar. Since the one in vernon was turned into a crematorium.







A couple plates of food.




Aww man the clam chowder is watery. I know i will just add a few crackers.



Warm tapioca pudding was no supplement for a desert it was time to hit it. The enemy of all childhood unstretched stomachs. THE ICE CREAM MACHINE!



Jesus fuck would you look at that caramel. That swirl. Goddamn sprinkles come here you little bitch i'm gonna devour you.



Oh geez maybe i ate too much.



Blasphemy. I am sorry i ever doubted oh great Bonanza.

our 'full house'




so lisa won a photo prtrait thing at the bay and she decided to take the coolest people on the planet with her notice how i am in there yeah bitches thats right

since all my friends seem to be fucking too much and thus off springing i figured i would share all my parenting knowledge. These are things you kids should never hear
1. "You weren't a mistake your were a 'life lesson'"
2. "instead of telling you about the birds and the bees why don't you just watch me and your aunt."
3. "ewww i am not cleaning that up."
4. "when i was your age" (yeah it isn't funny so shut the fuck up)
5. "Fucking rythym method"
6. "yes there is monster under your bed and if you walk in on me fapping to porn one more time it will eat you."
7. anything that ends with "you little shit!". That is just plain mean...well unless you were fapping then it is enitirely resonable
8. "Oh no your just a lease we have to give you back to the dealer in a year or two. Unless your nice. You little Shit." Yes it ended in Little shit that is why your not supposed to say it the rest is fine though.
9. "Ha Ha you shit your pants you suck."
10. "No way! You clean your self. I never shat your pants. That was all you"
11. "Garden hose time." This happened to me it is inhumane. Who cares if I was swimming in a mud puddle that water is colder then the icy grip of death.
12. "Your not gonna get carsick." Yeah incase you forget you childhood the parents who are directly in front of the kids pretty much get the rough end of this lesson.