New sex column
This week I am going to write about a topic I have touched on but never dealt specifically with. I always seem to skirt along the topic of kiss and tell so you should all be able to guess my stance on it. My opinion is of course that it is stupid and for idealistic children.
I know what you’re all saying right now I can hear the echo of your thoughts. You all have reasons for not telling people about your exploits whether it be that your mom will be ashamed of you or you won’t be popular because everyone will think you’re a slut. There is only one excuse I will accept as valid for keeping such a thing from your friends and family. That excuse is that you can’t tell anyone about your coitus because if you do your sexual counterpart will be so pissed at you that they will not fuck you anymore.
Even though this is an acceptable excuse it is still doing you a disservice. Keeping sex a secret is in a roundabout way keeping it taboo. Besides if I am thinking about getting freaky with a girl I wouldn’t mind to know her sexual resume. If you would rather people not knowing your experience because you have had some regrettables in the past think and that it could dissuade potential customers you should in fact be angry at the fact that you would self censor your way of thought.
Why would you want to have sex with some pretentious bastard who thinks that they are better than some of the notches on your belt. I mean everyone should have equal rights for sex. Adversely if you can’t tell someone about the sex you’re having should you really be having that sex in the first place. The last time I had was boinking someone and she wouldn’t let me tell my friends it would have been a wise idea for me to not have done her in the first place. It was a bad idea because she was dating a friend of mine before that. They had this really bad 2 year relationship but don’t worry he turned out to be a giant dickhead anyway, he cheated on her lots, so don’t feel bad he had it coming but I digress.
Sure it is hard to paradigm shift a society. Maybe they will all think you’re a dirty slut and that you baby making parts are used up and old. That’s an easy way out we only need to look at our past social conquerors who made change when it seemed daunting. Think of it in terms of Rosa Parks and your actually riding a fuck bus. Sure the back seats are fun because you bounce higher over the speed bumps but when it comes down to it sometimes your feet are just fucking sore and you want to sit in the front and not put any effort into hiding your joyous genital pluggings. What about Gandhi we could have some sort of peaceful protest as in don’t rub stories about genital acrobatics in peoples faces but if they ask well then its game on and you tell every nasty smelly little detail.
Sure a gentleman never kisses and tells but a gentleman also doesn’t have awesome dirty sex. A gentleman has missionary sex with his socks on. With his socks on! That’s disgusting.
