Aaron on pof: I hate these profiles that all say the same thing and is there really that much dirt biking and quading in calgary

[13:44] dale: what are you doing tonight?
[13:53] dale: ?
[13:55] Girl: I might go over to my brothers. he asked me over for supper
[13:55] Girl: you?
[14:09] dale: going to go see faster i got free screening tickets from work
[14:10] Girl: i dont know what that is
[14:11] dale: its a movie with the rock in it
[14:11] Girl: is he a tooth fairy again? haha
[14:12] dale:http://trailers.apple.com/trailers/independent/faster/
[14:12] dale: hahahaha i wish
[14:12] Girl: what does a "screening" mean?
[14:12] Girl: like youre watching the movie before its released?
[14:17] dale: yeah
[14:17] dale: its like a press screening type deal
[14:18] Girl: how'd you manage to get that?
[14:18] dale: mostly because i am wildly handsome and have an enormous penis
[14:19] dale: but more likely because i work at the calgary sun and they always get tickets to shit
[14:20] Girl: hahhaha you show that thing to everyone?
[14:21] Girl:
[14:21] Girl: nice. that must be fun
[14:21] dale: trust me i show it to as many people as i can
[14:21] Girl: hahhaa. do you get perks for it?
[14:25] dale: sadly not very often
[14:27] Girl: hahah. me either. I dont show my penis
[14:27] dale: yeah its common knowledge that boobs will get you infinitely more anyway
[14:28] Girl: i feel ripped off. I haven't been getting anything
[14:28] dale: show me i'll give you anything you want
[14:29] Girl: hahha anything?
[14:29] dale: anything
[14:29] dale: just like any other guy thats really my only motivation
[14:29] Girl: righ tnow i want a #4 at wendys
[14:30] dale: done

why do stand up comedy and be publicly humiliated when you can blog and have no one read it

I don't think we should call them homo-phobes anymore. I don't really think they are scared of the gays. I mean I don't want to sound like a bigot or anything but about 95% of the gays I have met aren't too intimidating slash threatening.

More importantly I don't think they are scared because it's outweighed by a different emotion. We should change the snappy label to Homo-elous because I think they are just jealous. I'll be the first one to admit it the gay male has a pretty good life. Well except for the idiots who wanna crap on their fun.

Who wants more sex than a man, answer two men. Just think of how much sex a gay couple would have. Thats why their so happy and skip down the sidewalk. They know that when the aforementioned "homo-elous" are at home trying to convince their ugly wives to touch their gnarled penis and ultimately fail, the gays have nothing to be sad about because the bigot must then resign to a sad jerk session in their sports slash hunting themed fake wood paneled den. While all that was happening the gay dudes were blowing each other the whole time. The whole time. And you better believe they don't forget about the balls.

Also every time a gay dude fucks another dude it's anal. Imagine if every time you had sex with a girl it was anal. There would be world peace. I mean really would you care about some guy living in a cave on the other side of the world if you could have anal sex every night? I know I wouldn't. While were on the subject why do you think the taliban are such dicks. Its a giant clue that they would commit suicide to their own sexuality by making the women wear burkas. I know I wouldn't want to hide a woman's beauty if there was the possibility of anal involved. But if was living in a cave sleeping beside an ugly dessert mangled face woman who didn't let me hit the back door I would fly planes into shit too.

There you have irrefutable proof that being gay would be awesome... if you didn't have to fuck dudes. That's growdie.

Never winning a trophy, or first place in anything for that matter is really what saved me from being a douchebag because without that there is no snappy self absorbed comeback to something someone says to you.

If someone were to hurl an insult at me like "your uneducated in that subject so I don't value your opinion on the matter at hand"

I can't just smugly say "well fuck you! I won some obscure test of my skills in high school!" because I never won anything and that is why I am so humble and awesome.

girl: Well its not a fun surger... its bowel surgery

but it needs to get done

i have a fistula

me: i don't want to sound like an insensitive jerk but it seems like you just said you had a fist in your ass

but really thats terrible is fistula bad?